Well I heard that you're leavin',

Gonna leave me far behind,

'Cause you found a brand new lover.

You decided that I'm not your kind.

So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex

And I tore all your pictures in two

And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go

Just because it reminds me of you!

That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'.

I'm glad that you found somebody new,

'Cause I'd rather

Spend eternity eating shards of broken glass

Then spend one more minute with you.

I guess I might seem kinda bitter.

You got me feelin' down in the dumps,

'Cause I'm stranded all alone

In the gas station of love

And I have to use the self-service pumps!

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase.

You ain't gonna break my heart in two,

'Cause I'd rather

Get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face

Then spend one more minute with you.

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork

Then watch you going out with other men.

I'd rather slam my fingers in a door

Again and again and again and again and again.

Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin',

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches,

Shove an icepick under a toenail or two,

I'd rather clean

All the bathrooms in Grand Central Station

With my tongue

Then spend one more minute with you.

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of

thumbtacks,

Or stick my nostrils together with Crazy Glue,

I'd rather dive into a swimming pool

Filled with double-edged razor blades

Then spend one more minute with you.

I'd rather rip my heart

Right out of my rib cage

With my bare hand

And then throw in on the floor

And stomp on it 'til I die...

...then spend one more minute with you.