These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

I met this girl, her name was Joan

She loved the way I rocked on the microphone

When I met Joan, I took her home

She was just like a doggy all on my bone

I met another girl, her name was Ann

All she wanted was to freak with a man

When I met Ann, I shook her hand

We ended up freakin′ by a garbage can

The next young freak I met was Red

I took her to the house and she gave me head

She liked to freak is all she said

We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed

There's another girl, her name is Mary

Talked about sex and the girl acted scary

I heard she was freakin′ for my homeboy Jerry

Took her to the house and I popped that cherry

Young and tender, sweet Denise

Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast

I tell you, homeboy, if you get a piece

She'll only start talking about signin′ the lease

I met this tender, her name was Lori

An x-rated movie wouldn′t tell her story

She had a twin sister, her name was Lisa

And just like Lori, she's a real dick pleaser

My girlfriend′s name was Michelle

Her booty was bigger than a tell on the well

When I freaked Michelle, I freaked her well

Her pussy got hotter than the flames in hell

I geed this girl, her name was Tammy

I didn't wanna do it ′cause the bitch was flammy

She had a best friend, her name was Jane

I pulled her to the side and I spit that game

I met a lot of freaks in my life span

Freaked one night with a girl named Pam

The very next day I saw her with her man

One week passed and I was in her again

I had an old tender, her name's Janie

She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen

She likes to freak, she′s just a fiend

It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans

I wanna big freak, fat and slobby

I'll kick on back and watch her mouth

Two tons of fun, big mama jama

A country-girl from Alabama

I met this freak, her name was Betty

Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death

I was tired as hell, I was drippin′ sweat

But I was all up in her tryin′ to hold my breath

Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas

She said her name was Donna

She was a filthy little freak from China

I said, "I don't pimp or gigolo

I′m havin' so much money, I don′t need a hoe

You can break yourself but you can't break me

You never met a player like $hort, baby"

I knew a dick sucker named Betty-Jo

Took her to my house and we did it on the floor

The girl got freaky and I′ll tell you more

She was down on her knees beggin' to blow

She's like another freak named Renee

You get her alone and she′ll make your day

Like Burger King, she knows the play

But a freak like Renee, you can have it your way

These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

I met this girl, thick as hell

Only sixteen, said her name was Linell

I took her to my house, I could not wait

Her shit was much tighter than a central safe

Let me tell you this since we′re talkin' young

I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne

Always talkin′ about havin' fun

Once again at the pad I had it goin′ on

I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn′t be no punk

I'm tryna get funky like female funk

So when you see me comin' or see me goin′

I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin′

I once met a hooker, she did it for free

On the foothill bust number forty-three

All the way in the back she was workin' me

Had my big beatbox and I was jammin′ the beat

I met this freak named Antoinette

Macked on baby like an ice-cold vet

Everythin' she had is what I get

′Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don′t play that shit

I met another freak, her name was Rita

Baby thought that $hort just might eat her

I told her like this, she can suck my peter

Or even go home 'cause I knew I didn't need her

Scratched her name off my telephone book

Never again, I took a second look

′Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon

She kept lookin′, well, I kept starin'

Baby came through with my homeboy Darren

Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearin′

She never left, he cut out

I know you all know what I'm talkin′ about

There's a freak named Shannon, such a sinner

She smokes that pipe and she′s gettin' thinner

Shannon is cool but her mind is gone

One fat rock and it's goin′ on

She had another buddy, came by my place

Thick ass bitch, said her name was Grace

She walked in the door workin′ a lace

You shoulda seen that look that was on my face

She's like this tender named Belinda

The homeboys call her Belinda the Blender

She gave head like she made it up

She was twenty years old with a big round butt

Had a girl like olive oil

Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled

When she got mad, her blood would boil

But I wrapped her all up like alluminium foil

These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

Shake if you like, Friday night, it′s goin' on, Too $hort

Three weeks ago I met this freak

She followed me around like Mary′s sheep

I hid around the corner and when she came

I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name

She said it was Anita, her man's in Santa Rita

I took her to my house and homeboy, I geed her

Sent her on her way the very next day

Playboy $hort was ready to play

I bumped to this girl, her name′s Rosanne

We hit the motel and had it goin' on

Holiday Inn to the break of dawn

When I took baby home, I freaked her mom

I knew this tender named Cherie

I took her to my house and let her freak on me

Baby was a fan, she loved my beat

But I wouldn't raise my leg and let her kiss my feet

I met this freak named Yolanda

Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda

I was on top, she was up under

The bed hit the wall and it sounded like thunder

I once had a date with girl named Kitty

She was so fine with her big fat titties

All night long she was actin′ shitty

So I macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti

There′s another girl, her name is Rose

I use to ride baby like brand new Volvos

I never saw Rose wearin' clothes

She′s a pimp house pet, ready to pose

I was ridin' down the street when i met Janet

Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet

Ass everywhere, I just can′t stand it

Tried to pom it but I could not manage

I had this freak, her name was Bunny

Said I'm the only man who ever called her honey

Everything I did to her was funny

I macked on bunny and I took her money

Eight tonight, a date with Shirley

She was real short and her hair was curly

If you saw baby, you′d like this girlie

She was so fine, I went to get her early

Shirley was freakin' like a girl named Rachel

Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal

She liked to kiss all on my naval

Those are her lips on top of my label

I knew another freak, her name was Candy

Real big lips and they came in handy

I smooth got worked and it was so dandy

I hooked the broad up with my homeboy Randy

He did me a favor in return

Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne

Baby got tossed, then I got on

I grabbed the microphone and started singing my song

My young homeboy heard me rap

And said he had way more freaks than that

So I told him like this, they might be freakin'

But, boy, you never had that TP treatment