Hangin′ out on a double date

With my two friends, Skeeter G and Sherry

And their barely legal cousin, Molly MayDon't you know that girl is fuckin′ cherry

Happened to be wearin' my white pants

I had a fart that turned to shat by chance

Teleporter

Take me far away

I don't want to be here anymore

Teleporter

I shit my pants today

Molly May was laughin′ on the floor

High as fuck with my friends at the game

The Cleveland Browns and some team that was better

The hot dog girl was slammin′, and she thought I was too

I bet one of my buddies I could get her

Four minutes and she's suckin′ on my dong

I look up and we're on the Jumbotron

Teleporter

Take me far away

I don′t want to be here anymore

Teleporter

They saw my dick today

On top of that

The Browns still didn't score

17 back in ′63

Mom and dad at dinner in the valley

No magazines

Jacked off anyway

To family album shots of my aunt sally

Dog was lickin' jiffy off my sack

I didn't realize my folks were back

Teleporter

Take me far away

I don′t want to be here anymore

Teleporter

Everythin′ has changed

Mom won't kiss the dog no more for sure, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Get me out of here now, teleporter