If I was the King

I would get myself a bitchin′ crown

And I'd make all the bitches call me Sir Michael StarrI′d have a castle and a bitchin' throne

And at night I'd go in the town

In a big stretch Hummer with a hot tub and a bar

If I was the King

I would outlaw clothes for chicks

So you could see if they shave their pussies

Or if they′re hiding dicks

I′d lower the drinking age

So little kids could get drunk too

And I'd make it a fucking crime to wear a wedding ring

If I was the King

That′d be fuckin' nice right?

I′d knock down all the schools

And put up liquor stores

And give free boob jobs to the strippers and the whores

I would outlaw common sense

Feed the homeless to the wolves

And if you didn't like Steel Panther you′d go to jail!

If I was the King

I'd make beer the official food

And you'd never have to take the trash out

If you happen to be born a dude

You could buy hand grenades at Starbucks

And take a shit right on the street

And I′d kill Katy Perry so I wouldn′t have to hear her sing

If I was the King, whoa

Here comes the court jester, man, wow!

And if the motherfucking peasants didn't like it

I would tell them all to suck my dick

Suck my dick

Suck my dick

Legalize masturbation

At every strip joint in the nation

And the minimum cup size would have to be a double D

Oh yeah

But if you were in a band

You wouldn′t have to use your hand

There'd be mandatory blowjobs for guys like you and me!

If I was the King

Megan Fox would be my Queen

But I′d still fuck Christie Brinkley

And any girl older than 16

I'd execute One Direction

And drop a nuke on the Middle East

But I′d take the oil first so we wouldn't have to feel the sting

If I was the King

If I was the King

If I was the King