Somewhere deep in the slow, eternal depths of the heavens

Drifts a planet called simply "Earth"

And among the otherwise unremarkable population of this planet are two incredible heroesDestined to save the future from itself

Hey Ninja Brian, I made a time machine spaceship. You wanna go on it?

Yeah, okay, cool

Soaring through the galaxy, the stars and sky align

The speed of light′s for pussies, we're going at the speed of Brian

Flying towards the sexual peak of history and time

Computer, set a sexy course for the sexiest year, ugh

Sixty-nine

Sixty-nine

(Sixty-nine) I′ve got my space suit

(Sixty-nine) And ninety pounds of space lube

Crossing through into a fuckin worm hole beyond the Milky Way

That shit's far

To a time of Earth so far in the future where everyone gets laid

Twice as hard

The noble knights of honor on a fierce and sultry butt crusade

Here we are

Open the bay doors and let's live the dream

Give the world a double team

I bet it′s a billion person orgy in an ocean of whipped cream

Wait. This place isn′t sexy at all

And this robot sign says human touch has been outlawed

I can't believe my eyes, but it′s a world without sex

Everyone here just wears full length pants and loose fitting turtlenecks

Men and women wave to each other from a respectable distance

Without the thrill of boning, what is life?

We must speak to the Council of Dick Elders tonight

Excuse me, Dick Elders?

What do you want?

I know it's most unusual to come before you so

But the planet Earth sucks balls now that no one′s allowed to bone

We've come from the past to introduce you to ass

Wait, you′re Ninja Sex Party, you will ruin our plans

Guards! Sound the alarms!

If people have sex, they'll break a thousand-year spell

There'll be a revolution and they′ll think for themselves

We control this planet and unsatisfied wood

Why does being evil always feel so damn good

Fuck that bullshit, we′ll make it right

Get ready for a sexy fight

My dick's the spark of hope and a revolution shall ignite

Tonight!

(Hey) We′re taking flight, we have to find a girl

Shoot the fucking lasers

Shoot the fucking lasers at 'em

Show them what it means to love and fix this broken world

All the fuckin lasers

All the fuckin lasers at ′em

The new sex king will rule

Let the boner banners be unfurled

Ninja Brian, look at that girl with the sad eyes and the beautiful blonde hair

I'm immediately in love

(Sixty-nine) She′s spent a life all alone

(Sixty-nine) Wanna take her to the bone zone

(Sixty-nine) Make her feel the pleasure

(Sixty-nine) Of a moaning treasure

I can't belive my eyes

But you're the girl of my dreams

Let′s both tear all of our clothes off like two pants hating Wolverines

The love we make will save the Earth from this oppressive dick regime

(Oh woah woah) We′re having sex now

(Oh woah woah) To change the world (Woo!)

(Oh woah woah) You brought your friends now

(Oh woah woah) Oh, shit, they're girls

I think it′s obvious that people liked our sexy show

A multi-billion person orgy has broken out all across the globe

The human race, much like my junk, will now be free to grow

Let's go

(Oh, woah, woah) But what about the Elders?

(Oh, woah, woah) We tore their world to shreds

(Oh, woah, woah) Maybe they′ll be cool with it

(Oh, woah, woah) Oh hey, Dick Elders. How's it goin′?

You two are fucking dead

So much for that, it's time to put on pants

And run away from their Death Army which is starting to advance

Shoot the fucking lasers

Waves of fuckin' lasers at ′em

We can′t die, we're way too young

And there′s so many girls to bone

Shoot the fucking lasers

Wave of fuckin' lasers at ′em

But now we're cornered with our backs against the wall!

It′s over, Danny Sexbang, your time has come

But first, we're gonna take care of your ninja friend here

Aaah

Goddamn, Brian, you killed them all

Now the empire will fall

I have to say, in retrospect, that was easier than I thought

Oh Yeah!

Our work here's done, the future is secure

But my girl and I have one last farewell slam just to be sure

For underneath those rockin′ boobs lies a heart that is so pure

Take care of this world for me, my darling, I will always love you

What is your name by the way?

(Ooooh) Kristen?

(Ooooh) Ah, a beautiful name

(Ooooh) Well, until that glorious day when we meet again, Katie, farewell

Now let us fly into the night sky

And we′ll raise a glass to ass and a final goodbye to sixty-nine

Sixty-nine

Sixty-nine

Sixty-nine

(Sixty-nine) Let us be gone

(Sixty-nine) Our quest is life-long

(Sixty-nine) It's a sexy destiny, so let′s rock the fuck on

Sixty-nine

(Sixty-nine)

Fuck, yeah

Fuck, yeah