In a community that stresses macho male sexual stories as a highlight of all conversation

I was under-developed, immature, fat little dude that never got laid, and was constantly harassed!

Oh, poor little kid!It bothered me probably more so because I was horny, and frequently had to make up stories like

"Uh, when I went on vacation I met this chick and we fucked and she loved it!"

Et cetera, et cetera

This typical pubescent problem was in effect

During the height of my problems with my father and stepmom

You know, the typical wicked-stepmom story

And so, I moved to both grandparents and four sets of aunts and uncles

And so forth and so on within the year

And in eighth grade, my mom had no choice but take me in

Because my dad packed my stuff and drove me to her house in the morning and left me there

She was pissed

I accumulated quite a healthy complex, not to mention a complexion

Then one day I discovered the most ultimate form of expression ever

Marijuana

Oh boy, pot!

I could escape all day long and not have the, habit routine nervous breakdowns once a week

Only being stoned for the first few times was what I claimed as

"Something I would do for the rest of my life"

And I would practically do anything to ensure my supply of the fantastic weed

Trevor was a guy I hated, but resorted to becoming friends with

Because he was the only person I could get pot from

He was the kingpin

Trevor, Ace, John and Darren

All white-trash, lowlifes, scums of the Earth according to the jocks

Had been going to this girl′s house after school, and they invited me

We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in

It wasn't obvious to me for over an hour that this girl seemed kind of quiet

Until one of the guys pointed out that she was in a special-ed class

I′m sure a lot o' kids would call her a retard and some just slow

And at the time, and still to this day, I would call her quiet and illiterate, but not retarded

The object of the guys who had been going there for the past month

Was to steal booze from the downstairs basement den of her house

While others distracted her by opening cupboards and doors and pretending to eat all the food

One would go down and take a fifth, and then exit out the downstairs

So we'd do this routine every other day and got away with it for, all about a month

And during that month, happened to be the epitome of the mental abuse from my mother

It turned out that pot didn′t help me escape my troubles too well anymore

And I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things like stealing booze and busting store windows

And nothing ever mattered

I decided within the next month, I′ll not sit on my roof and think about jumping

But I'll actually kill myself

And I wasn′t going out from this world without actually knowing what it was like to get laid

So one day after school, I went to the girl's house alone

And invited myself in, and she offered me some Twinkies

And I sat on her lap and I said

"Let′s fuck"

And I touched her tits and she went into her bedroom and got undressed in front of me

And I watched and realized that it was actually happening

So I tried to fuck her but didn't know how

And I asked her if she had ever done this before

And she said, "A lot of times", mainly with her cousin

I got grossed out very heavily with how her vagina smelled and her sweat reeked

So I left

My conscience grew to where I couldn′t go to school for a week

And when I went back I got in-house suspension for skipping

And that day, the girl's father came in

Screaming and accusing someone of taking advantage of his daughter

And so during lunch the rumor started, and by the next day

Everyone was waiting for me to yell and cuss and spit at me and callin' me "the retard fucker"

I couldn′t handle the ridicule, so I got high and drunk and walked down to the train tracks and laid down

And put two big pieces of cement on my chest and legs and I waited for the eleven o′clock train

And the train came closer, and closer, and closer

And it went on the next track besides me, instead of over me

The tension from school had an effect on me and so I couldn't attend the school anymore

And the train scared me enough to try to rehabilitate myself by

By lifting weights and, and mathematics seemed to be improving, so I became less manically depressed

But still never had any friends because I

I hated everyone, for they were so phony