[Verse 1]

Oh, well, imagine as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor

And I can't help but to hear, no, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:

"What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter

"And, yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore"

[Chorus]

I chimed in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality

I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...

[Verse 2]

Oh, well, in fact, well, I'll look at it this way: I mean, technically our marriage is saved

Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne

Oh! Well, in fact, well, I'll look at it this way: I mean, technically our marriage is saved

Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne

[Chorus]

I chimed in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality

I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...

[Post-Chorus]

Poise and rationality

Again

[Chorus]

I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality

I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...

[Post-Chorus]

Poise and rationality

Again

[Click here to read about Panic! at the Disco's first live performance of “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”]

[Click here to read about the music video]