M: Hello Melinda here.

G: Yeah mate, uh, you are the masseuse?

M: That's me

G: Mate I will need to come and see you, right? Because I have sustained a breakdancing injury.

M: A breakdancing injury?

G: Yeah mate, I was too ambitious with a maneuver. Alright mate?

M: Right

G: And ah, I have strained a muscle mate.

M: Well that is no good. I won't be able to help you today though. I could help you possibly tomorrow though.

G: Alright mate I come in because I think I have damaged one of my perfectly formed, sculpted, toned and tanned calf muscles. Alright?

M: Right

G: Mate you can work on that?

M: Yep, sure.

G: Alright mate. Now mate there's a bit...

M: When did you actually sustain this injury?

G: Mate, it was yesterday, right?

M: OK

G: I was on my mat in front of the mirror,

M: What?

G: Doing ah... do not laugh my friend, please.

M: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

G: I was ah, I was...

M: I'm sorry.

G: I was doing ah, electric bugaloo

M: OK

G: and mate ... mate I think you have strained a muscle mate

M: I have, but merely...

G: Mate I think you have strained a muscle called your heart

M: Hm, no not really, not yet

G: Mate I will explain, right?

M: Yep. So you're in front of the mirror yesterday doing... look I'm terribly sorry... I... hm

G: Mate it's alright, alright? Do not worry, alright? I am a very tall, very good looking man

M: That's excellent news

G: OK mate?

M: Yep

G: Alright mate, and women, when the work on my body, alright? Afterwards they fall into a trance-like state mate

M: Wow

G: Alright?

M: That must be really, um, unsettling for you

G: Mate it's a problem, right? But ah, they do not come out of it for weeks, alright?

M: No kidding?

G: Mate, do you know what doctors call that state?

M: No, enlighten me

G: Love

M: OK

G: Alright mate? So this what we do.

M: Yeah

G: I come in there

M: Right

G: Alright? Now I've gotta ask you one question, right?

M: Alright, fire away

G: Do you believe in God?

M: Um, oh gosh, er

G: Because I tell you my friend, you will when I take my shirt off. Alright mate?

M: Ah, OK

G: Mate probably before you have worked on skippy, poofy, skinny er, skippy guys, alright? Alright?

M: Yeah

G: But it's time for you to see the Greek man

M: Ah, OK

G: OK?

M: Yep

G: Now Greeks, mate, we invented massage, alright? Listen to you laughing... mate I think you need to see the doctor mate, alright?

M: Yes well...

G: Mate you are sick with love

M: Hm, not quite. Well look I have to go. Thank you very much for your call

G: Alright mate

M: OK, bye

G: Alright mate? Take a strong sedative and have a lie down, alright?

M: OK, bye for now

G: Goodbye my friend