Man. I′ve come to discover that

I spend too much of my life

Trynna astonish peopleIncreasing isolation and the insanity now

To the point where it should be illegal

However, it's not only ′bout impressing the outer world

But more of myself

Yet when I overwhelm others, I really do not impress me

And it doesn't go well

And maybe as some of the deeper emotions

That tells me I have been able to impress y'all

It′s something that they all are saying

So I just don′t have to feel like Imma mess

But I do, no matter what, 'cause I read you

And I′ve not been impressive

Or is it me guessing

As my unhappiness keeps getting more intensive

Everytime that I go out in public

Everytime I try to talk to a person

Who's not my mom or a close friend

I subconsciously try to amaze, getting me nervous

Right words, how I look,

Appearance, etc. I′m so tired of it

When I'm attempting, then I can only tell ′em how I feel

And that I've hit the bottom

And that is really not something to arouse someone with

That's an excuse

To get sympathy from them

Instead of impressing them accurately

Do not refuse

Damian, do not refuse

You′re simply so weak that you claim it abuse

You won′t be able of winning, or even playing the game

You're gonna lose

Nobody reads me

Nobody needs me

Nobody sees me for who I am

I am a ghost

Basically I am a ghost, no one understands

Hating myself

Hating myself

All my life I been hating myself

Impossible to be carefree at any time, and nobody can help

Why, are expectations so high, all in my head?

Why do people keep judging me?, filling me with stress

Self-conscious, shaking to the core on stage

Technique replaced wit′ judgement hits me back in a cage

The brightness won't age

But my self-hatred never seems to engage

Whether′d be two people flirting, or kissing, my lack of humor

Or lack to impress myself or others

When I play some music and somebody cringes

It affects me

People be giving the Billie Eilish look at me in my eyes

I hate the things that is telling me I'm dirt

Simultaneously, you think I′m ugly you right

Embarrassment after embarrassment

I feel my demons attacking

Got lots of emotions, but learned to mask 'em

So supreme, I'm trapped in my own acting

Trying intentionally to break character

But that makes it further gloomy

Cause I only can deliver aggression

It′s a wicked game and an awful movie

The impressure creates insecurities

I try to tell and show it but cannot

Something preventing from doing it right

Probably the demons I′m battling now

Insecurities and self-consciousness, always too near it

I want to cry, as a reminder of my human spirit

There is not a single moment

Where I can fully feel like myself

Or in control, as I'm in traffic

The wrong times, I′m not well

Where I cannot do the conversations

Not having words to impress 'em

Caught in the devil′s session, locked out of heaven

With insecurity-driven depression

I'm the most self-conscious introvert I know

Fills my head entirely

And I cannot say anything out about it

And words are words, that′s the irony

I'm a little nervous

That doesn't come out the right way

They won′t understand

Man, they won′t ever understand, I've tried all that I can

I don′t really plan to drop this

And I'm still nervous of what y′all is gotta pick out

Flaws, hypocrisies, and whining

'Cause when I feel it or hear it out

It′s so mentally stitching, this is my feelings of humanism

It's not ego

But fact is I cannot take the micro-atom of criticism

Don't get it twisted, this is not about social media or

How I look on social media

Because I don′t care about social media

This is about life

This is about how I enjoy living

How I enjoy music

Like, how I enjoy music is always me trying to put up a show

In front of non-existent people, people I′m imagining

Like, when I put up a record in my home

Then I'm imagining my bedroom as a stage

And the crowd is in the back of my bedroom

And I′m performing the song for the people

And if the crowd ain't feeling it, then it′s not a good song

And I'm not a good performer

I am a cringe human being

And I have been feeling this way for years

Like maybe 12-13 years

And it′s the same when I'm in the car; I need to be careful

I need to act cool, and not vibe out too much

To the music that I'm playing because if I do

Then people will start cringing at me

And it freaks me out on the inside

I literally feel like my freedom has been taken away from me

And it′s all sorts of art, it′s not just music

Like when I'm watching a movie, then I′m picturing me

As one of the characters and if the character ain't

Good enough or likable enough then the movie isn′t good

And I'm not good

And when it actually comes to like having conversations

In the public or to strangers

Then I get SO nervous and self-conscious

It′s about this unknown game that I can never play because

It needs to be done naturally and how can I do it

Naturally if I'm thinking about it all the time?

The only game that I'm playing is

Automatically trying to chase

People′s admiration and respect

Like, the real me

The carefree me who doesn′t care about people's opinions

He′s buried alive underground

And it's impossible to dig him up because

It′s not getting any better

Anytime

And I've tried

But I failed