I′ve lived with

Prog rock bassists

Closet racistsA schmuck who will not shut the damn fridge

Anarchists

Gold-star addicts

I've lived with everyone

Ivy leaguers

Fake ID dealers

A couple of couples who were touchy-feelers

Bucktoothed lap dogs

But why keep track cause

I′ve lived with every...

One-trick pony

Cooking Rice-a-Roni

Psych majors who think they know me

Marxists from Texas

And straight-A sexists

Tax evaders

Locked-out neighbors

Stay-at-home moms who salute dictators

Men who burn toast

And maybe some ghosts

I've lived with everyone

But never have I

And never will I

Room with my best friend

Don't room with your best friend

I′ve lived with

Squares and sticklers

Body chiselers

Borderline abusive ticklers

Couch potatoes

Drunk barf-volcanoes

I′ve lived with everyone

Stoic preteens

Hopeless ski teams

Pre-school teachers pre-morning caffeine

Mormon doormen

But who keeps score when

You've lived with everyone

White rappers

Whiter rappers

The dust of crushed-up saltine crackers

Drama queens

Causing scenes

And dicks who piss on sublent toilet seats

Dicks who piss on sublent toilet seats

Dicks who piss

Dicks who piss

Dicks

Dicks dicks dicks

Chronic kleptomaniacs

Steal my shit and sell it back

Clean the kitchen once then act like they deserve a plaque

Cats, rats, goats, horses

Hordes of human-eating roaches

Never have I

And never will I

Room with my best friend

Don′t room with your best friend

We both go to sleep at twelve

Regularly clean ourselves

But if you moved in

I fear my friend

Would become another song lyric

Closet bassists

Prog rock racists

A schmuck who will not shut the damn fridge

Anarchists

Gold-star addicts

I've lived with everyone

And it wasn′t any fun

But I'll live with anyone

But you