Fiji, VOSS, Topo Chico, La Croix

Coursing through the veins of each American boy

Spray-on chemtrails from Louis VuittonOverzealous pat down from stupid Uncle Don

What makes a man want to be a referee?

Holding others to a standard that he does not meet?

My security deposit was not returned to me

Damage to the carpet is a matter of degrees

Here′s my TED Talk about washing the driveway

People do it wrong I'm gonna teach you the right way

Pink Starbursts only when observing the Lord′s day

Your parents' pride and joy

Don't want to go to Calabasas

(Ooh ooh ooh ooh)

Don′t want to go to Calabasas

(Ooh ooh ooh ooh)

Fiji, VOSS, Topo Chico, La Croix

Flowing from a fountain of a cherubic boy

Cooler Ranch-flavored communion wafers

Transubstantiation flеsh and full of life

I only want to talk to people who alrеady know how lame I am

And is con man really short for condiment man?

Boyfriend with a soul patch

I know, I know, it′s serious

Here's my TED Talk about washing the driveway

People do it wrong I′m gonna teach you the right way

Pink Starbursts only when observing the Lord's day

Your parents′ pride and joy

Don't want to go to Calabasas

(Ooh ooh ooh ooh)

Don′t want to go to Calabasas

(Ooh ooh ooh ooh)

(Ah ha, ah ha!)

Don't want to go to Calabasas

(Ooh ooh ooh ooh)

Don't want to go to Calabasas

(Ooh ooh ooh ooh)

(Brah ha ha!)

Here′s my TED Talk about washing the driveway

People do it wrong I′m gonna teach you the right way

Pink Starbursts only when observing the Lord's day

Your parents′ pride and joy