Anya

This is the man that I plan to entangle, isn't he fine?

My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle, vengeance was mine.

But I'm out of the biz, the name I made I'll trade for his.

The only trouble is… I'll never tell

Xander

She is the one, she's such wonderful fun, such passion and grace.

Warm in the night, when I'm right in her tight… embrace, tight embrace!

I'll never let her go. The love we've know can only grow.

There's just one thing that… no, I'll never tell

Both

Cuz there's nothing to tell

He snores, she wheezes

Say housework and he freezes, she eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe

I talk, he breezes, she doesn't know what pleases

His penis got diseases from a Chumash Tribe!

Both

The vibe gets kind of scary

Like she thinks I'm ordinary, like it's all just temporary

Like her toes are kinda hairy

Both

But It's all very well, cuz god knows I'll never tell!

Anya

When things get roughy, he just hides behind his Buffy

Now look he's getting huffy, cuz he knows that I know

Xander

She clings, she's needy, she's also rally greedy, she never…

His eyes are beady

This is my verse, hello! She…

Look at me! I'm dancing crazy

Both

You know

You're quite the charmer, my knight in armer

You're the cutest of the scoobies,

With you lips as red as rubies, and your firm yet supple tight embrace!

He's swell, she's sweller

He'll always be my feller, that's why Il'l never tell her that I'm petrified

I've read this tale, there's wedding then betrayal.

I know there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide

Both

I lied, I said it's easy

I've tied, but there's these fears I can't quell.

Is he looking for a pot of gold, will I look good when I've gotten old

Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?

When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?

Am I crazy, Am I dreaming, Am i marrying a demon?

Both

We could really raise the beam in making marriage a Hell.

So thank God I'll never tell.

I swear that I'll never tell.

My lips are sealed, I take the fifth

Nothing to see, move it along!

Both

I'll never tell!