Well I thought about the army,

Dad said, son you're fuckin high.

And I thought, yeah there's a first for everything,

so I took my old man's advice.

Three sad semesters,

it was only fifteen grand.

Spent in bed I thought about the army,

I dropped out and joined a band instead.

Grew a moustache and a mullet,

Got a job at chic-fil-a.

Citing artistic differences the band broke up in May,

and in June reformed without me, and they got a different name.

I nuked another grandma's apple pie

and hung my head in shame.

Been thinking a lot today.

Been thinking a lot today.

Ohhhh, I think I'll write a screenplay.

Ohhhh, I think I'll take it to LA.

Ohhhh, I think I'll get it done yesterday (aww shit).

In this time of introspection.

On the eve of my election,

I say to my reflection

God, please spare me more rejection.

Cause my peers they criticize me,

and my ex-wives all despise me.

Try to put it all behind me,

but my redneck past is nipping at my heels

I've been thinking a lot today.

I've been thinking a lot today.

I've been thinking a lot today.

I thought about the army...