Put your heavy metal to the test

There might be half a love song in it all for you

Timing wise, it′s probably for the bestCome here and kiss me now, before it gets too cute

Mr. Schwartz is stayin' strong for the crew

Wardrobe′s lint-rollin' your velveteen suit

And smudgin' dubbin′ on your dancin′ shoes

Gradually, it's coming into view

It′s like your little directorial debut

As fine a time as any to deduce

The fact that neither you or I has ever had a clue

But Mr. Schwartz is stayin' strong for the crew

Wardrobe′s lint-rollin' your velveteen suit

And smudgin′ dubbin' on your dancin' shoes

And if we guess who I′m pretending to be

Do we win a prize?

Having attempted twice, both incorrectly

Do we get a third try?

The gloved hand′s reachin' in to hit the switch

There′s not one goddamn thing that you can do about it

But Mr. Schwartz is havin' tea with the grips

Askin′ after all the wives and the kids

It's at the heart of what the business is