I was brought up in tafetta dresses

And taught to be pretty and precious

Spending my playtimes withPlastic princesses

Who all had those bodies!

Just utterly ludicrous

Minuscule waists and huge boobs

And it′s all nipple-less and no pubes

And no creases, I mean, Jesus

It's pretty confusing

Especially at six

In that fairytale world all the girls end up

Happy ever after

Wooing their knights in shining armor

But some nights down the track

You can bet they′ll be trapped

Spending nights in, shining armor

While their knights spend their nights at a bar

Or at a ball with some harlot

I'm not bitter

It's just better that I don′t fall for all that

Romantic bullshit now that I′m older

Although I don't mind the thought of being

Tossed over a shoulder

And trotted off to a mansion

By some ruggedly handsome

Man in a fireman helmet

And have him just use me for sex

As I say

It′s a little complex

One day, some day, my prince may come

But it doesn't seem likely

But even if he came and he liked me

It′s likely

He'd be

Not quite

My type

Some day, they say

He′ll come ridin' up on the back of a horse

But, of course, I'm allergic to horses

How will I tell him?

He′ll just have to sell him

I went to school with a girl

I remember her well

She was pretty smart

And pretty as hell

Her folks had a farm

But she wouldn′t stay, of course

She wanted prince charming

So she went to L.A., of course

Managed to seduce a

Famous actor or producer

Shacked up in a house in the hills

With a cat and a juicer

And a fancy car

And a tennis court

But the guy wasn't quite

The catch she′d thought she caught

He treats her like trash

Then you know the drill

Takes his cat and his cash

And finds some younger girl

So she's left with this stupid corvette

And an empty swimming pool

Which she fills with regret

Smart girl, but kinda of dumb

And I′d rather be lonely

Than sit on my fanny

Waiting for my prince to come

One day, some day

He'll come sweeping in and sweep me off my feet

And spend the next four decades

Wanting to cheat on me

Getting less handsome

And fighting his dragons

He′d know what to wear

He'd have a full head of hair

And his eyes would be brown

Or blue

Or green

Well, I don't care

And his body would be toned with those

Pecs like you get at the gym

But he won′t spend all of his time at the gym

And he′ll love reading books

He'll be an excellent cook

He′ll be good looking

But not too aware of his looks

He'll be tender, but tough

And smart, but not smug

And attentive, but not fawning

And he′ll smell good in the morning

And he'll dance

And like hiking

And baking and biking

I′m not picky, I just ask

That he likes me, and I like him

And I'd rather be alone

If the only other option

Is to come and settle down

With some condescending clown

With a great rating from some dating service

Some self professing Mr. Perfect

Another narcissistic legend

Made a million out of hedge funds

Another sexually ineffectual

Self-obsessing metrosexual

Pseudointellectual

Getting drunk and existential

Every time the steelers lose a game

Thanks, but perhaps some other day

One day, some day, my prince may come

But I won't hold my breath

There′s only divorcees, and weirdos left

And weird is fine

But not all the time

One day, some day, my prince will come

So the fairytale said

Thirty years later it′s still in my head

That if I screw a frog

I will wake in a four-poster bed

There was a day with a girl (There was a day)

I remember it well (With a girl)

Her name was Jenean

Or Jenna

Or Joelle (It's Joelle)

We drank piña coladas

Watched the sun setting over the bay

(Watched the sun setting over the Bay)

We made love in the sand (We made love in the sand)

And when we were through (When we were through)

We went back to her room (Back to my room)

And watched Ghostbusters II (Ghostbusters II)

Smoked half a joint (Smoked half a joint)

And ate half a pound of pâté (It was way too much pâté)

Why couldn′t that be my

One day (One day, some day)

I'll cut down on fried chicken takeaway (one day)

My doctor said one day my heart will stop tickin′

Unless I cut down on that chicken

I will do it

One day, I'll stop drinking so much

I′ll stop dating guys who are 20 years older

I'll get a new safety clip for my holster

It opens too quick

I'll do it next week

One day, I′ll get a new coffee maker

Some day, I will buy her a ring

One day, death will come to everyone (everyone)

One day, I′ll learn how to sing

One day (These endless first dates)

Some day (that starts with her hating me)

My prince may come

But it just doesn't seem likely

That I′m gonna get her to like me

Phil, you bought me candy!

I bought you candies

Can I get in your panties now?

One day (It's not enough)

Someday (I′ve had enough)

I will wake in the arms (I'm not enough)

Of an actual man (I′m not your fictional man)

Who will love me for all that I am (I'm just me, I can't be any more that I am)

With all that he is (This is all that ther is)

Ok, Phil, we′re on in 5, 4, 3, 2 (One day! One day!)

Ok, Phil, we′re on in 5, 4, 3, 2 (One day! One day!)

Ok, Phil, we're on in 5, 4, 3, 2 (One day! One day!)

Two

What′d ya know, it's Groundhog Day

Tomorrow, spring will come and then

There will be blue skies, my friend

Bright eyes and laughter

Tomorrow, there will be sun (You can curse, cast spells)

But if not tomorrow (Or cry)

Perhaps the day (Offer your prayers to the)

Unfeeling sky

The spring will arrive

When the winter is done

And if it′s not tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow

Then tomorrow